finding the balance of counsel & other’s opinions & righteous judgement

Hey friends!!

I often want to start my posts on here with a disclaimer. So I am simply taking a moment to recognize I am a sinner, & I just learning. I am seeking to offer my experience & learning only. There are still many things I am learning from the Lord, & my ways & decisions are not always right. So always make sure to compare what you read to the Word, & see how the Lord may be directing you in your own life :) Okay, thanks for giving me the pleasure of my own caveat. Jumping in now…

I was walking through the grocery store the other day with a baby & a toddler I care for. After some time shopping, my kids were getting grumpy & hungry, & my toddler started whining. I wrapped up my shopping quickly & headed to the check out. I tried not to show my embarrassment as I carried groceries & a crying child & tired baby out to the car, fully aware of several looks I got.

Really, my heart posture wasn’t really in the best place. Was I prioritizing my toddler, & guiding him as we are working on learning how to direct big emotions or communicate how we feel? Was my embarrassment rooted in pride? Probably.

A friend asked us over to dinner this week, & I joyfully accepted the invitation, sending dates to have dinner as requested. I tried to justify the fact that I didn’t have any free evenings for another 3 or 4 weeks, & that we really did want to spend time with them.

Do you think this friend was really overthinking & imagining I didn’t want to spent time with them? Probably not. They have their own busy life, & it was gracious for them to invite me to put a date on their calendar. I didn’t need to read into it, just kindly express my excitement, & know that they also have full days & responsibilities, without needing to sit in guilt.

Far too frequently, I make decisions while filtering many of them through other people’s opinions. I imagine their perceptions of me, their judgment, or if what I am doing is what they think was right. And I’ve been learning that other people’s opinions often don’t matter as much as we think they do.

If my conscience is clear according to the Lord’s standards, I can find rest knowing that I am living in truth, & making decisions honorably, & that is all that really matters.

A read book I recently read on this concept is “The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness” by Timothy Keller. The book walks through the short & powerful passage of 1st Corinthians 3:21 – 4:7. Pinpointed for the sake of not making this too long, verses 3-5 of chapter 4 are amazing –

“3 I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. 4 My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. 5 Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God.” 1st Corinthians 4:3-5

I’m not going to write a ton about righteous judgment, because I am still learning & don’t have much wisdom on that front yet. But, it is something I am seeking to learn more about, & I would encourage you to do the same. A verse I have found to provide guidance in this area is found in Romans 12 – the entire chapter is gold, but writing out here verses 14 – 21.

“14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12: 14-21

I have found comfort in surrender to the Lord’s righteous anger. We live in a broken & sin fallen world, & I rest knowing He is in control of justice. When I feel wronged, or am pridefully frustrated with someone, or see a devastating circumstance, I know He is in control. I may never see the justice, but I find contentment because it’s not my responsibility to see justice in most situations. When someone hurts me, I can forgive them even when they are not sorry, because the justice of them seeing their own wrong will only be brought to fruition in God’s perfect timing. I may never see or hear their sorry. But I am free of the wrong, justice, or anger in itself.

Okay, so about counsel. I LOVE asking for advice & wisdom. I am thankful to bring concerns, conflicted feelings, & new things I am working through to a trusted friend for their input & potential guidance. And as a young woman, I am called to that to some extent. Titus 2 discusses promoting right teaching among both men and women.

“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the Word of God.” Titus 2:3-5

So as the Word says many times throughout the Bible, it is good & holy to ask older & wiser people for counsel. It’s challenging to go about days and responsibilities without guidance or structure. We need community, other people’s wisdom, correction, & encouragement. Sometimes, God speaks through other people to give us wisdom.

5 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. 6 But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. James 1:5-6

There is so much wisdom to gain from one another when we are each grounded in God’s truth. This could be a post for another day, as there is much more to share, but as you may have read in the Word, brothers & sisters in Christ are called to come alongside one another, seeking to help each other see sin in their lives, & to live with a pure heart in the Lord, moving away from sinful ways. Community is needed & an immense blessing. As I live in community with other believers, it is a blessing to continually ask other’s for counsel. As you age, hopefully you accumulate more wisdom with lived experienced & sanctification. I have often wished to be older & wiser, but there is lots of growth & joy along the journey of acquiring wisdom.

Okay, I hope you are still tracking with me here. While we are called to seek counsel in some circumstances, I think we should hold caution against doing things only because we think someone else would make that decision. We are not serving the Lord if we are first seeking human approval. (Gal. 1:10) I have been striving to find this balance myself. Many times, I have deliberated far too long over a decision, felt unnecessary turmoil, or looked to other’s approval without prayer or time reading the Bible.

When troubles or conflict arise in my own heart, I seek to first turn to the Word. I pray about it and see how the Lord is directing me. And sometimes, He blesses me with my wise mom, a lady at church, or a friend that has walked a similar circumstance & lovingly share their experience. I can often see through other’s wisdom, encouragement, or loving correction how my heart may be aligned (or not aligned) with the Lord’s will. And then, I don’t deliberate endlessly. I confidently move forward, taking action in the next small thing, doing my best to glorify to the Lord, making changes only if He convicts me along the way. This is where the majority of the wallowing, wondering, & seeking other’s approval come in. Once you are rooted in the Lord, have prayed, & have sought wise counsel, the Lord is often gracious to give you peace. I can rest knowing that my conscience is clear & feeling His righteous peace, & I don’t need to continue to take other’s opinions about my life as a guiding factor.

In the same way I am told not to judge others, I can recognize that the righteous standard of the Lord is what I am help to. We are all unique individuals, & He may direct our paths differently than our family members or friends. The right job for me may not be the right job for another person. Choosing little nuances of parenting may be right for one child, & different than another family at your church. How your family’s days are structured may be different than someone else’s & that’s okay.

I have freedom from comparison, knowing I am honoring the Lord in doing what He has called me to. I have freedom from guilt or shame; knowing that walking in His ways & praying for His will are worthy callings.

Another great book recommendation – “Think Again” by Jared Mellinger. This book has some great thoughts on introspection, mindfulness, & self-analysis.

It is a joy to find freedom from judgment, guilt, or justice. I get to lean into Christ, trusting that He is in control, giving me the opportunity to trust Him & forgive those around me. I get to seek His wisdom, sometimes through wise counsel, without growing weary of other’s opinions. I get to lay aside my own personal pride, arrogance, & live in humility, seeing that what God is calling me to is all that matters.

Thanks for reading, and I hope some of my own heart learning is an encouragement to you, friend!! Goodbye for now!!