broken cycles
Hey friends! I hope you are enjoying the glimpses of sunshine between the snow showers on these chilly days in WA.
Last night, I was turning on music as I got ready to shower after a late night treadmill run. I saw the date on my phone and realized that with February being only 28 days, the next morning would be the first day of March. I pay rent on the first of the month, so I knew my monthly rent would be automatically sent from my bank account. I did not think much of this, & continued on with my evening & worked on a research paper before falling asleep in a warm bed with a roof over my head. I wasn’t hungry because I had enough to eat for dinner and even ate a snack after my run. When I got ready for bed, I spent a few minutes standing in front of my closet debating what to wear in the morning. I have more than enough clothes. It’s not lost on me that I didn’t consider checking if there was enough money in my account for rent or worry about my rent expense. I am truly thankful to have all that I need.
In the last few months, my compassion has grown greatly for people suffering through broken cycles. Cycles of homelessness, addiction, parenting struggles, etc. It is far too common. I was also humbled to see that my response is so often with a lack of empathy or kindness. It is easy to see a drug addicted person and think that their suffering is self-inflicted. How should we really be considering this as followers of Jesus?
34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35
We are called to be loving, tangibly showing ourselves to be Christ’s disciples. We should love without reservation, not holding back because someone has a different struggle than us, has less than us, or has different abilities than us. Though these topics are highly discussed, we often feel removed or like these are not impacting us on a personal level. Recently, I watched a short new series on Netflix, called Maid. I would highly recommend it. The show followed a young women and her 3-year-old daughter on their struggles of domestic violence, finding places to live, childcare dilemmas, transportation barriers, living expenses, and a mentally ill family member. This show and other life circumstances helped to open my eyes to the needs and how people get stuck in these cycles. The main character, Alex, was no less hard working than I am. She loved her toddler fiercely and did everything she could to be employed, have her child taken care of, and meet all of life’s demands. Her lack of support was very challenging, as her child’s father was not always safe. Her mother was mentally ill, and she did not have a community to rely on for childcare. It was easy to see how this spiral of needing a car and a ferry pass limited her ability to get to her child’s daycare, which then meant she could not work, which quickly limited food on the table and a roof over their heads. Sometimes, she used alcohol to cope with these stresses with a few other friends, one of the only times she ever felt loved or supported with people around her, also struggling to meet life’s demands in their own ways. I remember a younger sibling I used to have that was staying with us in foster care. I remember feeling frustrated at this child’s parent and vividly thought, if this parents loved this child enough, they would want to get off drugs, stay sober, work enough to pay rent, and have reasonable childcare. I wasn’t humble enough then to realize that it wasn’t how it worked. This parents did love their child - fiercely - enough that their days involved constantly fitting in working days and night, attending court and visitations, trying to get approved for an apartment, and then their car broke down. They might not get paid for 3 more days and can’t afford to fix it, so they miss a visitation as they can’t make the bus times with their work schedule without getting written up again. The couldn’t loose their job as they needed at least 2 more pay statements to get approved for this apartment. When they missed visitation, it was the 3rd time. This sad, disappointed child would again go through the roller coaster of the next court date where their parent worked hard to get visitation rights back again. When all I saw was the devastated child, I imagined a parent who did not love their child enough to get to see them for 2 hours. But then, I realized every moment of their week was revolving around those 2 hours they could get with their child, and they were equally devastated. So, they drank again to try to take away the emotional turmoil this caused. Then, they were called for their biweekly random UA, that came back positive - again delaying the next steps for reunification with their child.
I point this out to say, how can we better love people? What broken cycles do you have in your life? Do you see that person who shows up at daycare with their child in the same outfit several days in a row and think, ‘wow, this parent couldn’t even get with it enough to buy new clothes?’ Do you see the homeless individual on the side of the road, and think, ‘if they wanted a different situation, they should just get a job?’ Maybe you have an extra 20 minutes to pick up a neighbor’s child from school and run through the drive through with them since you know their single dad won’t make it home till closer to bedtime. Maybe we could smile at more people. Do we feel compassionate first, or do we hold ourselves too high to think we work harder than them, we deserve more. This is a good attitude check for myself. This week I am seeking to love others by thoughtfully considering their point of view when I feel frustrated, giving grace when things run late, praying for the car in front of me that is making me late, smiling at the person I walk past. There’s so much I still have to learn, and I am inspired by the abundance of blessing in my life to desire to and tangibly love others.