what is love, anyway?
Hey friends!!
Recently, I spent some time at a friend’s house discussing some things that were heavy on my heart. After sharing lunch & precious conversation, it was time for me to head home for kiddo’s nap times, & for her to put her kiddos down for naps too. As we said goodbye, I turned towards the door & started down the stairs. She met me at the top of the stairs & leaned over the baby gate between us, holding her baby in one arm & hugging me with her other arm. I held my 10-month-old & hugged her back. As she leaned back readjusting her baby, she looked at me with intense & gracious eye contact. “I know this is hard, Bri. Know that I love you.”
We had discussed the concept of biblical love that morning. This conversation & kindness inspired me to dive into the concept of love. What is love? How are we, as believers, called to reflect God’s character as we love? Can love ever be ‘wasted?’
Well, I’m sitting here with a cup of coffee & a slice of warm sourdough bread as my babies nap, so join me, if you will, in prayerful contemplation as you read.
I live my life with the standard of truth that the Word of God brings, so we will start there. What does the Bible say about love?
I found a few definitions of love listed in the concordance of my Bible, being used both as a noun and as an adjective.
“The ultimate expression of God’s loyalty, purity, and mercy extended toward His people – to be reflected in human relationships of brotherly concerns, marital fidelity, and adoration of God; a beloved person.” Defined as a noun
“Of or relating to a strong affection for another, affectionate, painstaking.” Defined as an adjective
I think there are a variety of types of love. Love between brothers & sisters in Christ. Love between parents & children. Love between husband & wife. Love between friends.
Different types of love main point toward different standards and levels of guarding our hearts. How should we be guarding our hearts in love?
Marital love is unique, a covenant love designed for companionship, procreation, and redemption as it reflects Christ & the church.
Love in families is special, a blessing that God gifted us to treasure those that even share the same genetics as us.
Love between brothers & sisters in Christ is treasured, a special closeness only able to be there because of the victory in our Savior.
In His commandments listed in Exodus, there is a verse that says, “But I lavish unfailing love for a thousand generations on those who love me and obey my commands.”
Exodus 20:6
It is a privilege & joy to be loved, and also to reciprocate & pour out love.
Love drives actions, decision making, sadness, joy, & many more aspects of our life. I think this is because of love’s great significance & the weightiness it carries.
“Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you. Remember, O Lord, your compassion and unfailing love, which you have shown from long ages past.”
Psalm 25: 4-6
“The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness, His mercies begin afresh each morning.”
Lamentations 3:22-23
“To acquire wisdom is to love yourself; people who cherish understanding will prosper.”
Proverbs 19:8
“Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from His love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”
Philippians 2:1-4
Reflecting Christ’s love and character holds a standard of great humility, and sacrificial love. Looking out for others and showing selflessness, truly showing that we care for someone more than ourselves. I think this display of love is truly easier said than done. I would like to think I am sacrificial, selfish, constantly others-minded. Sometimes I am – but a lot of times, I’m impatient that a child needs to be comforted at the same time as I want a moment to myself, frustrated that a driver rushed to merge in front of me when I have some place I want to be, irritated when someone doesn’t listen. I often think of my own need, desire, or inclination; when in reality, my needs are no higher than anyone else’s.
“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things.”
Galatians 5:22-23
“I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow! This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. This is my command: Love each other.”
John 15: 9-17
Wow, talk about sacrificial love. Laying down one’s life for a friend. What? If you are like me, you may be thinking, well this was Bible times, are we really called to this now? I believe we are, even if metaphorically. Are we willing to go above and beyond to truly place other’s above ourselves. Do we really value other’s lives just as much as ours, if not more?
“Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us. And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. All who declare that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first. If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their fellow believers.”
1 John 4:7-21
“Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.”
Romans 12:9-13
The Word is full of so many fantastic passages. I could go on and on. Honestly, I barely scratched the surface writing out some of the passages in the Word that talk about love.
So, back to my original question? What is love anyway? Well, we see how Jesus loved in the Bible, and how God loves us actively-every-day-all-the-time in His direction & guidance through the Holy Spirit. How can we tangibly reflect love?
Well, I think this digging has grown my curiosity & yearning to love better & deeper in my connections with those around me. I’m still learning myself, so take this with a grain of salt.
Love goes deeper than a fleeting moment or emotion, than infatuation, or excitement, or a thought or act of flippancy. Love runs deep in the veins of sorrow, heartaches, some of the greatest joys, and some of the greatest sacrifices. Love is waking up to care for someone in the middle of the night when your tired because you love them more than you value your sleep. Love is listening to a dear friend cry and offering a shoulder to cry on & wisdom to walk through their sad trenches with them. Love is driving to run an errand for someone, picking someone up from the airport in the middle of the night. Love is displayed in intentionality of words, conscientiously complimenting someone’s effort or growth or beauty. Love is daily recognizing & living out that you deeply value someone else, and are willing to go above & beyond in caring for them.
Can love be “wasted?” Oof, this is a big heart struggle for me. I’m still working through this one. I feel pulled in a lot of directions between work, school, my personal interest, family, and friends. I am often selfish in where I spend my time and energy. My love is not frequently freely given. My main driving reason for this withholding of love is probably fear. I operate far too often out of fear. Fear that my vulnerability will be wasted. Fear that my love will not be reciprocated. Fear that my love and care will be misinterpreted or ill received. Personally, I experienced this as a foster sister. I loved siblings deeply, & lost a lot of siblings too because of our foster care circumstances. I wondered & pre-grieved siblings that I knew would be temporary. I learned a unhealthy rhythm of self-preservation, I held back, worried that any love given would later need to be mourned. I contemplated if the love I gave was “worth it”. Well, according to God’s standards, it is worth it. We get to glorify Him by planting seeds of His love & grace, & when we surrender this potential pain to Him, He can bring even greater goodness out of our love.
“Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone – especially to those who are in the family of faith.”
Galatians 6:8-10
God uses our love, pouring out His mercy & grace when we trust Him. This inner tension of fear may be a lack of trust in His goodness. Though this fear of loss or pain may be very real and valid to my heart, God doesn’t call us to fear. What does He call us too?
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”
2 Timothy 1:7
Many of us crave the self preservation that prevents us from being at the vulnerable potential for loss, rejection, or a later grief. But that, my friend, is exactly where the love lives. To carefully hold the emotion & tension of the potential for loss, the scary vulnerability, firmly planting yourself there & continuing to pour into someone else, saying without a shadow of a doubt that they are worth it & that you love them. Love displays the humble posture of trust & surrender, as we are called with reflecting our Savior, trusting our hearts & emotions.
Thank you for reading!! I hope this has helped you realize the significance of love & how we are called to share our hearts in care & emotion. It is a privilege & a joy to be loved, & I hope you get the opportunity to love someone today, & to feel loved by someone today. Bye, friends!!