weary
Hey friends!! Wow…time is flying, happy October!
These last few weeks of life have felt particularly full. Balancing school, nannying, night classes, spending time with Jesus, fitting in mileage running, and family & friends. I started an internship recently that is part of my social work degree. After a few clinic days & getting a feel for this opportunity, I left a clinic day & walked out to my car, leaned into my self pity, & cried as I drove home. This new role is not what I anticipated. I like hard things, and it’s not that this role is too hard, it’s just that it is very different than what I thought it would be. It has already & will continue to require more critical thinking & independently solving problems. My rainy drive home was one of those moments that I questioned the decisions that led to this moment.
Why am I getting this degree again?
Should I even have quit my last job?
Is this something I am even capable of?
So I got home to my pup & made a cup of coffee & some very late lunch. (I tend to find many of my tears are a desperate need for coffee or food.) I sat in front of our cozy fireplace on the floor & realized I hadn’t spent time with Jesus that day. I have been reading through 1st & 2nd Corinthians, & I opened up my reading to chapter 5.
“For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. 2 We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. 3 For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodies. 4 While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. 5 God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit.
6 So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. 7 For we live by believing and not by seeing. 8 Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. 9 So whether we are here in this body or away from this body, our goal is to please him. 10 For we must all stand before Christ to be judged. We will each receive whatever we deserve for the good or evil we have done in this earthly body.”
2 Corinthians 5:1-10
Wow, well from where my mindset was, I found this chunk of Scripture to be incredibly encouraging. I also pulled out my journal & wrote out a list of people or things I was thankful for that day. Gratitude is often my simplest solution to change frustration or sadness or false expectations to joy.
“We grow weary in our earthly bodies…” How accurate. I got to help organize a few events this last weekend & was chatting with a sweet friend who was leading this church event. She’s a teacher & she told me she was reading her spelling test for her kiddos that day & got to the word weary. Weary - exhausted - soul tired…she laughed at herself trying to define the word to her students. As she & I both experienced some weariness this week, I’m sure you have moments like this too.
So what do we do in our weariness?
I walked into my college for night class this week precisely 4 minutes late, which is pretty on time for my always-late-self. As I crossed the street & stepped onto the sidewalk, I looked down at my outfit & there was spit up on my shirt, baby food smeared on my pants, and some of my coffee sloshed out of my cup as I hurried inside. Weary. As I opened the door, I glanced back to the parking lot & smiled as the sunset was beautiful that evening. I had been working all day & my brain needed to be alert & thinking well for class that evening. In addition to my messy outfit, my hair hadn’t been washed in too long & the dry shampoo wasn’t enough, I felt tired & in desperate need for a quiet run & some processing time.
I think it’s perfectly okay to feel weary, & realize God is faithful even in our weariness. So I stopped my self pity train & I recognized I was exactly where I needed to be. I get the opportunity to glorify God doing my best in completing the next task before me. Though I have some false expectations & discouragement in my internship, I can serve the Lord knowing this degree is my job right now & I am joyfully choosing it. Though I am tired and don’t have as much time as I would like, I can choose to be joyful for the sunset glimpses. I am prayerfully seeking the Lord & choosing to honor Him in what He has set before me. He has guided me to have nanny families to serve, school to work hard on, relationships to pursue & be mutually encouraged in, & more.
What has God set before you? Are you weary? What are you doing with that weariness?
Our goal is to please the Lord, & we can be confident in our words & actions when our hearts are on the right place. It’s okay that I am weary in my earthly body, because I get to joyfully long for my heavenly body someday.
In this season, my responsibilities don’t always allow much time for a shower or to wipe off the smeared baby food or have all the time I wish I did for friends & running & sleep. So I could waste my energy wishing it was different, or I could simply keep putting one foot in front of the other & serve the Lord with each word & attitude & loving action.
Well friends, hope your October holds lots of joy & sweet moments amidst potential weariness or heartache. Bye!!